WHY MY DOG HAS MORE MUSICAL TALENT THAN ME

WHY MY DOG HAS MORE MUSICAL TALENT THAN ME

My dog has more musical talent than me, and I play three instruments. I love to listen to music, which you would know if you read my about page. I also love music theory, cause I'm one of the weirdest music nerds in history. But my dog has better ears than me, which is a fact, and she can also tell whenever I play a wrong note. It's kind of freaky. 

I'm just sitting there at my piano, cursing Bach for making things so complicated while also studying the notes and gasping at how smart he is, and all of a sudden I play an F sharp when I'm supposed to play a G. (For those of you who don't know music, picture it as a letter wrong in a word. I want to spell "Major", but instead I spell "Mdjor". See what I mean? Playing the piano is a lot like typing, in the sense that your fingers are moving, and that things turn out wrong if you miss one thing. [That was a long explanation to put inside parentheses.] ) Then, my dog either barks at me or whimpers at me, causing me to stop playing to calm her down. This becomes a mess, because it is REALLY hard not to trip up when you have extra pressure not to trip up. When she barks, it's kinda worse, but it hurts me personally when she whimpers. 

Anyway, I've been trying to figure out how I get her to whimper and not bark. And I think I've figured it out: 

There are these things called minor chords, made up of three notes, which basically are sad chords. 

Then there are these things called major chords, made up of three notes, which are pretty much happy chords. 

These chords can be played "blocked" (all three notes at once) or "broken" (one note a time, in ascending order by pitch)

If I accidentally mess up during a minor chord, it's going to sound happier. This will cause my dog to take notice that something wrong happened during the Prelude, and she will bark at me. 

If I accidentally mess up during a major chord, chances are, it's going to sound sadder. This will make my dog sadder, and have that feeling I do when something changes unexpectedly. These are not good feelings for a simple animal, and she will whimper. 

I know you guys are thinking, "Well, HER logic's wrong. And I'm don't play any instruments. 😑" But it's not! (therefore the other people who were just thinking that maybe they should become musicians should not) She does kinda whimper a bit during the sad songs with a ton of minor chords, and believe me, if I mess up one note in either of the those chords, its gonna sound different, and probably the opposite of what it normally does*. I have experimented this with my sibling, who has very little musical ability, and then my dog. My dog would whimper when I messed up with major and bark when I messed up with minor. The only sad thing that comes out of this is that I can't change it, and that my dog is smarter than me. And cuter. Sadly. But hopefully, I'm going out a limb here about the dog, and I will regain my title as "Smart Music Lady of the House".  So, pet neurologists (HEY! I SPELLED THAT RIGHT WITHOUT SPELL CHECK!! WOOHOO!) and fellow music nerds, please challenge my theory so I can feel better about this awful catastrophe. 

*ONLY READ THIS IF YOU KNOW A TON OF MUSIC STUFF, OTHERWISE IT WILL SOUND REALLY WEIRD. I warned you. 

Now, I know it might sound diminished or like an augmented chord, both of which are suspenseful chords. When I mess up and it sounds suspenseful, there will be no resolving chord, making that one sound of place, and a little weird, making everything else seem too happy in comparison. Therefore, it will sound the opposite of what it normally does and cause my dog to bark/whimper.**

** OKAY I'M SERIOUSLY WARNING YOU THIS WILL BE EXTREMELY WEIRD. Read on if music nerd. If not, turn around and find another post.

Let it be known that I warned you!

It might instead just sound like a completely different chord, like a minor 7th or an E major chord if I'm the key of F. These seemingly out of place chords will just sound extremely weird, kind of like playing random chords on an out-of-tune guitar. It's going to sound awful, and then when it returns to normal, it will have confused my dog and made her feel weird. In these special circumstances, what she does is completely up to her, but she will probably do something. I have tried this, and her reaction was a bark. Then when I tried it again, her reaction was a whimper. Please, animal neurologists, help me.